Monday, June 20, 2005
"Whatever Happened To...
...Porter Goss?"0 comments
Poor ol' Porter, got hisself drug into the Big Chair at the CIA just as everyone was saying the CIA was the most UNintelligent intelligence agency in the world.
He thought, What the Hey!? I'll bring my rabid lapdog conservative views to Langley, and remake spookifyin' to new levels.
Cool.
But poor Porter. No sooner had he settled into the Big Chair when "Death Squad John" Negroponte comes into town as Intelligence Czar, and tells everyone that Porter and his suddenly Shrinking Chair at CIA were no longer needed. That they were now second string.
"Death Squad John" would now and forever sit in the chair the CIA Director sat in during White House meetings.
He, "Death Squad John," would henceforth give the president his morning intelligence briefing.
But, hey, as you would expect from our good ol' boy Porter of Florida, he has SECRETS.
But, boy oh boy, what to do with them?
Should I go covert with them, and leak them, he thinks? Be sorta like, y'know, "Shallow Throat"?
Or should I be like Tom Cruise and shout it to the world from Oprah's couch?
Ya know, publicity is never a bad thing, as long as they spell your name right... Right?
I know! A Time magazine interview!!!!
OK, here goes!!!!!
Hey, everybody:
I Know Where Osama bin Laden Is!!!!!
Take THAT, "Death Squad John"!!
How does that Big Chair feel, NOW? HA!
Uhhm... Enjoy the farm you and the missus have there in Florida, Porter.
We just hope it's not the same farm people always used to send unwanted beagles to.
Ya know, Porter, they don't call him "Death Squad John" for nothing.
posted by Gotham 12:53 PM
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