Tuesday, November 18, 2003
Competing Firms, Start Your Ensigns...
U.S. Sets Time Frame For 24 Iraq Contracts0 comments
In essence, here's how it works:
Each of the competing firms sends a representative: someone of stature within the firm, who would not be seriously missed if circumstances go awry. A COO might make a good choice. Or if that's not practical, many firms are using the Managing Director position.
Those companies that can prove acheivement of "Ranger" status in fund-raising for George W. Bush's reelection campaign, will be allowed to provide their entrant with Kevlar heavy plate body armor, left over from deceased military personnel who've been shipped home.
Next, the representatives will be placed at one end of the Iraqi town of Tikrit, and asked to attempt to make it—on foot, and in acceptable corporate dress—to the far end of the city.
At the end of this Dash for the Cash, a royal celebration awaits possible surviving participants, not to mention the eternal gratitude of their corporations, which could, conceivably, last a full quarter or two.
Each of the surviving companies will also be encouraged to open recruiting centers in cities across the U.S. for these extremely high-paying jobs, since the turnover in Iraq is anticipated to be quite high. This is anticipated due to the high number of fatalities expected to be incurred by the contracted firms after U.S. troops are withdrawn. Administration officials refuse to speculate on an exact projected figure.
However, this new explosive, cyclical hiring growth is expected to be a cornerstone of the administration's new "jobs growth" policy, aimed at bringing down the unemployment rate before the 2004 election, a Senior administration official said today. This official went on to state that, "It'll be great for the economy. Gosh, for the president to have created so many jobs that carry such an extremely high income, and an equally high mortality rate; that means just great things for the retail and leisure sectors, as all that cash gets spent like there's no tomorrow."
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Here's the Realtime Iraq Invasion Cost Clock!
posted by Gotham 3:43 PM
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